the Bad Beginning and “Scream and Run Away”

We begin with the book that introduced the literary world to the sympathy-educing Baudelaire orphans: eldest Violet, who fancies herself an inventor; middle-child Klaus, who enjoys reading and research; and baby Sunny, who bites things. We also meet Count Olaf, the series’ primary villain who is determined to steal the fortune the orphans are set to inherit. The plot is very easy to follow, even if it is initially difficult to accept. (The Baudelaire parents’ death set the events in motion.) The language is on level, and in the instances where higher order words are included, the author creates asides that give in-text definitions. Clearly, this is a book intended for younger audiences, right? Even though this is a book clearly intended for younger audiences, there are aspects of the novel(s) that are intended for the adult readers as well. Handler expertly packs his writing with idiosyncratic peculiarities and highbrow allusions the he can’t possibly expect a child to understand. (For instance: the oft-mentioned Beatrice1, the storyteller’s unrequited love; Instead of saying “thank you”, Sunny says “Takk”2.) For most of the story, The Bad Beginning operates a duality, appealing to readers both young and old, like a Roald Dahl of Shel Silverstien story. Towards the end, however, things turn pretty creepy. Olaf stages a fake/real wedding to twelve-year-old Violet so that he can get his hands on the Baudelaire money. Most children will read this section and probably find it ridiculous – A grown-up marrying a kid? Crazy! – mature readers will note the disturbing and sorry reality of forced underage marriages. Even when Olaf’s plot foiled, there is still no happy ending in site, as the children are whisked away to another foster home. Waitaminute, is this really a kid’s book? Starting the album off rightly, “Scream and Run Away” is an awkward, Bohemian jaunt that does a better job introducing the series than I just did, and manages to rhyme “Olaf” with “zerof”.

Book: A
Song: A-

the Reptile Room and “In the Reptile Room”.

Sadly, the second book in this series should have been entitled The Sophomore Slump. This is something we have unfortunately (sorry) seen many times over in children’s and young adult literature. The follow-ups to spectacular debuts like J. K. Rowling’s Harry Potter and Philosopher’s Stone, Cornelia Funk’s The Thief Lord and Mo Willems’s Don’t Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus all failed to live up to their writers’ initial works. Perhaps it’s the industry pressure to expediently release a successor of the commercially and critically acclaimed originals, (children’s books require extremely quick sequels to maintain a strong following by its fickle target audience), or maybe it’s just the heavy weight of expectations the authors place on themselves, but rather than being satiating sequels that pick up where their predecessors left off, the second editions tend to be rushed and simply bank on resting on the laurels of the established characters. As a result, most come across as nothing more than celebrated episodes of Scooby-Doo: an unknown bad guy causes trouble, a little action follows, and finally the heroes unmask the villain. The HP series bounced back immediately with the third book of the series, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and Willems’s other Pigeon books were equally as hilarious as the original, but Funk’s following second, third and fourth books failed to capture the imagination and originality of her first work. And such is the unfortunate (sorry) fate that befell The Reptile Room. “In the Reptile Room”, however, is pulsating mix of awkward rhythm, nearly random chimes and pulsating keyboards – none of which will be surprising to regular fans of the more new-wavey Magnetic Fields tracks but in this instance, it’s an interesting and welcome change from its predecessor.

Book: C (I’ll upgrade it from C- because it contains a character named “Monty”.)
Song: A-

the Wide Window and “the World is a Very Scary Place”

The title of this track is a reference to Aunt Josephine, the orphan’s ill-fated hypochondriac caretaker. Perhaps the Gothic Archies could have outsourced this track, as the Decemberists have pretty much built their reputation on writing songs that sound like they belong in a Lemony Snicket book, and their nautically-themed tone would have fit this novel perfectly. The Wide Window gets major points because it’s the first book in the series that is legitimately scary, although I have to dock it a little favor because it blatantly reiterates some of the series’ major themes and images. Namely, libraries.

Book: B+
Song: B

the Miserable Mill and “Dreary, Dreary”

This track has very little to do with its paired novel, specifically, which is kind of a shame because I’m confident that Merritt and Handler could have utilized some cheesy buzzsaw guitarwork to a great deal of success. Instead, we get an ode to the frequently-mentioned-but-scarcely-explained Beatrice, (see above). I think that had the GA’s switched the music of this track with the preceding song, it would have worked to a better effect. The Miserable Mill is one of the few in the series that plays up the setting to its logical conclusion, and as a result, this portion of the story seems more realistic than the others.

Book: A-
Song: C-

the Austere Academy and “When You Play the Violin”.

The fifth track on the album is a tribute to the most annoying character in the ASOUE library, Vice Principal Nero, whose mere presence nearly makes the book unbearable to read. But then again, it is precisely that sort of uncomfortable pacing which makes these books so irresistible. It is right around book number five that the reader really begins to grasp the hopelessness of the situation – and then you realize that you’re not even halfway through yet! The song possesses a charming lo-fi quality that perfectly embodies this book and the series by giving it an implacable year and place of origin, just like the books themselves. The quasi-baroque coda is a nice touch, too.

Book: B+
Song: B

the Ersatz Elevator and “the Abyss”

This is my favorite book in the series, mostly because it reminds of The Catcher in the Rye. (The justification for that claim is pretty weak, so I’ll spare us both.) It is also the first one in the set to completely utilize a Dickensian urban setting wherein the city and buildings are just as important as characters as their human counterparts. “The Abyss” starts with dueling synths and is a rapidly played Casio beat away from being a When in Rome cut.

Book: A
Song: C+

the Vile Village and “Crows”

The seventh novel employs a Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets The Children of the Damned setting as a mysterious backdrop to really get the ball rolling on the set’s extensively interconnected plot. Unfortunately, the focus on the larger picture hurts this particular installment, which closes with an ending right out of Waterworld. The track, like the novel, shows the scars of numerous influences. It opens with echoed acoustic guitar and minimal bass accompaniment. At the first hook, a swirling rhythm guitar comes in, turning the track into something off of American: V, where the corpse of Johnny Cash covers a Galaxie 500 song. This is the track that could most seamlessly appear on some other Merritt album.

Book: B+
Song: A

the Hostile Hospital and “Smile! No One Cares How You Feel”
The next few books all seem to be of the “get the ball rolling” variety. While there is an overarching story throughout the entire series, books 8-11 exist almost solely for the extended plot and do not function very well on their own, a characteristic that does not burden books 3-7. However, this book still contains all of the little nuances and references that dot its predecessors, such as allusions to Russian literature. This book is best remembered for the patient name anagrams. The song, has a drowsy car alarm-sounding loop with an Eastern-tinged guitar overlap. Merritt’s viscous tone drips over every thing. Even though it’s the shortest track on the album (1:51), it feels like the longest.

Book: C+
Song: C+

the Carnivorous Carnival and “Freakshow” and “Walking My Gargoyle”

Here is another plodding chapter that seems to be merely moving the story forward rather than operating as its own interesting text. Horror movie fans will no doubt enjoy the names of the various circus freaks. For some unexplained reason, the GA’s chose to write two songs for this fill-in-the gaps book. The first, the predictably named “Freakshow”, is an annoying little bit, complete with quirky circus beat and muppet-esque backing choir. “Walking My Gargoyle”, on the other hand, is an instance where Merritt and Handler decided to write a song related to the book, rather than simply make a song about the book. The difference between these two is that the former can only be listened to with immediate considerations to the book, while the later makes for a song that is enjoyable in nearly any context.

Book: D+
Song: C+/B+

the Slippery Slope and “How Do You Slow This Thing Down?”

The title of this track corresponds with the first chapter of book number ten where the two eldest Baudelaire orphans are trapped in a circus caravan that is racing down a mountain road. As its name suggests, this is a s-l-o-w song; the drumming doubles over every time the pace gets too quick. (I can imagine a video of this scene where the caravan is still-shot and the background whizzes by in black and white slow motion.) The book, on the other hand, moves by at an accelerated pace, and occasionally seems rushed. There is one instance, however, where the increased speed fits the novel, wherein the writer tastefully mentions an intimate moment between Violet and Quigley Quagmire with only minimal detail. This novel brings the series to a higher level of maturity not only through romance, but also with a focus on ethics. Most children’s books have characters that are overtly flat; the heroes are always noble, the villains always evil. The Slippery Slope, however, doesn’t let it’s protagonists off so easily. In this novel, the characters are faced with decisions that inspire realizations that people are not one-sided and easily definable as we believe them to be when we are children. What’s worse, they begin to discover this truism applies to them as well.

Book: B
Song: B+

the Grim Grotto and “A Million Mushrooms”

A weird, almost a capella track with minimalist instrumentation to mimic dripping water is here to accompany a book that is set almost entirely underwater. I was hoping that heavier, deeper tones would have been employed for this one; it just doesn’t seem to capture the claustrophobic mood of the novel. Like the three preceding it, book the eleventh cannot stand on its own they way the first seven novels can. Of course, each book in the series is dependent upon the familiarity of the characters, but this group of four is primarily there to move along the greater story arc of ASOUE. In spite of that factor, The Grim Grotto does interject a new, interesting theme into the story, that being, even though the Baudelaire’s lives had been filled with terrible event after terrible event, there still exist out in the world things that are far too dangerous and disruptive for children to know about.

Book: A-
Song: C

the Penultimate Peril and “Things are Not What They Appear”

In this, the second to last book in the series, Handler brings together all the loose ends of the previous eleven books but cleverly/annoyingly keeps them untied. All of the aforementioned questions are re-asked, and all the characters are re-introduced a la a television reunion special, but answers are at a scarcity. By reading this book, you would think that there would need to be another eleven that would follow just to unravel all turns and twists the author has worked into the plot. As if all of that didn’t add up to enough confusion, there are more than a few red herrings thrown into the mix, seemingly just for the hell of it. The accompanying track, “Things Are Not What They Appear”, is another track that keeps a slowed pace throughout. The songs title refers to a bit of advice/contention that the Baudelaire orphans are repeatedly told throughout this chapter of the story. Repetition is a major component of Handler’s writing in this series; an affect that builds familiarity and frustration for the reader and characters alike.

Book: B+
Song: B-

the End and “Shipwrecked”

Stephen King often claimed that the ending was the most important part of the story. Essentially, the writer can do whatever he or she wants for the duration of the story, and as long there’s a good ending, the audience will forget everything that happened before it and only remember the final scene or line. There’s probably more than a little truth to that; audiences and critics alike fawned over Babel even though its storyline was convoluted and unconnected. All the director had to do was patch up all the loose ends into a somewhat believable ending and the viewers were successfully tricked into forgetting that they had just spent the last two hours of their lives watching a film that was going nowhere. The End offers the complete antithesis of this sort of ending; Book the Thirteenth only complicates the already difficult plot. Those seeking answers to the countless questions brought up in previous chapters need not apply. Instead, Handler uses the final section to further the sense of mystery. His ultimate reasoning, that stories have no real beginnings nor endings, might be a stretch, and surely, some will view it as a cop-out, however, it does fit the series perfectly; a happy ending just wouldn’t seem right. In spite of the novel’s less than pleasant ending, the bouncy, tropical “Shipwrecked”, which might simply be a b-side to 69 Love Songs, was chosen to represent The End.

Book: B
Song: A-

Chapter 14: Book the Last and “We Are the Gothic Archies”

This part of the story is not its own separate publication. Instead, it is an added chapter to the end of The End that takes place a year after the end of The End. It doesn’t really add much to the series at all, except leave the door open for a continuation of the series. (Which I guess isn’t a bad thing at all.) “We Are the Gothic Archies” is a self-promoting theme song in the vain of “Gotta Catch ‘Em All!” and “The Tra La La Song”. Towards the end of the track, Merrit starts singing the lyrics backwards, which is a nice touch.

Book: C-
Song: B

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