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June 07, 2007
Numerology: Finally Legal
by David Klein
Even a casual fan could come up with the definitive 18 song without too much contemplation. 
The song that comes to mind immediately is “I’m Eighteen” by Alice Cooper, which has all the essential characteristics of a great rock single: lean, strong hooks, wailing Les Pauls, a clenched fistful of attitude. Nevertheless, it must be said that despite its rarified pedigree, (18 is a flat-out beautiful number. Look at it. It’s one of the most voluptuous numbers in the universe. And were you aware that 18 is the only number that equals twice the sum of its digits?) top-notch 18 songs are relatively few in number.
Coming in a distant second, but distinctly charming nonetheless, is “18 With a Bullet” by English session man Pete Wingfield, a doo-wop style number that actually made it to #15 on the U.S. pop chart in 1975, (although not necessarily with a bullet.) Sung mainly in falsetto, this sly come-on is rooted in that most romantic of argots: record industry-speak. And it works. It’s hard to resist lyrics like, “I’m a super soul sure-shot/I’m a national breakout/so let me check your play-list, mama/Come on, let’s make out” and my favorite, “Be my A-side baby/Be beside me/ Right now I’m a single/but pretty soon you’ll see…We’ll be raising a whole LP.”
Prince (Boy George once likened him to a dwarf that fell into a vat of pubic hair) could write a good song in his sleep, so I’m guessing that even an outtake like “18 and Over,” originally slotted for Sign O’ the Times, has its funky strong points. To be honest, I haven’t had much luck tracking it down, but I seriously doubt that hearing it would sway me that it’s definitive. After all, Prince has drawers full of outtakes in his plush purple pad; Cooper’s song is a primal gem, a certifiable rock anthem, and one of the best songs in his catalog.
The vastly underappreciated Bush Tetras, still best known for the 1980 no-wave classic, “Too Many Creeps,” issued a comeback record of sorts in 1996, produced by Nona Hendrix, the second track of which was called “Page 18.” The egregiously appreciated Red Hot Chili Peppers have the randy “She’s Only 18,” and canine-monikered rapper Bow Wow has plain old “Eighteen.” For the sake of thoroughness, I can also tell you that the schlock rock genre is well represented here, with Bryan Adams’ “18 ‘Til I Die,” Skid Row’s “18 and Life” and Black & Blue’s “Hold On to 18.” And obviously, I couldn’t consider Moby’s moody instrumental (does he do any other kind?) “18.”
* Random fact about “I’m Eighteen” – When future Cooper producer Bob Ezrin (Peter Gabriel, Pink Floyd’s The Wall, other gi-normous rock epics) first went to catch an Alice Cooper gig, he was knocked out by this song, and later told Cooper he really liked the one that went, “I’m EDGY!”
Numerology is our pal Dave's ill advised quest to find the definitive song for every number from one to a hundred. He'll probably coast on teen angst for awhile, but there are rough times ahead.
Previously: No. 1, 2-4, 5-7, 7 (counterpoint), 8, 9, 10/11, 12/13. 13 (counterpoint), 14/15, 16, 17
Posted by Jeff Klingman at June 7, 2007 05:17 PM
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Comments
Marvelous choice! I haven't heard this song in at least twenty years. I played Love It to Death incessantly when I was an angst-ridden twelve year old, perfecting my needle drop on Black Juju. Drove my poor sainted mother mad.
Posted by: Magister Ludicrous at June 8, 2007 01:48 PM
yeah, this one is pretty settled. I looked for the clip of the hippy counselor singing this song to the burnouts on "Freaks and Geeks" and YouTube sadly let me down. But I think it makes a good point that old guys co-opting teen angst gets more embarrassing as the days go by. You think seeing Cooper rock this now would be really goofy?
With such a culturally loaded number, don't you think there'd be alot more decent songs that weren't just gross hair metal babe ogling?
Posted by: Jeff K at June 8, 2007 01:51 PM
Where does one procure a "vatful of pubic hair". I wonder?
Excellent as always....though now I am stuck with that disturbing image.
Posted by: jonny at June 15, 2007 11:04 AM
These songs are fabulous, but the link for this one seems to be down. Any chance of an update? Thanks!
Posted by: Ray at December 12, 2007 07:42 AM
