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August 03, 2007
Word Association: Axl Swankster
I'm not sure if I should begin this edition of the Word Association feature with an apology for the extended delay, or with a long rant in the direction of my esteemed colleague Randall Monty, formerly famous in Massachusetts and upstate New York for his unwavering defense of the little man, and now for challenging my imagination in ways that were more frustrating then I ever thought possible. Someone might need to instruct Mr. Monty, who once scaled the Fenway Park's fabled Green Monster with his bare hands, on the basic merits of the word association exercise, namely it's best in succinct form for the immediate reflexive response that it is supposed to incite. Or not, whatever.
In case you've forgotten the purpose behind our Word Association feature, here it is again. The goal is to create a continuing conversation between MerrySwankster.com's writers for an intended effect of inspiring a more diverse result in the music responses that may not necessarily be picked from the same batch of fare one expects from the site, which is another way to say "not exclusive to indie-tastic music and blasts from an overlooked past." It goes without saying our version of the game can be more simply described as creating mellifluous responses to a word or phrase, resulting in a packaged lunch of hot potato and monkey wrench shiv.
To Merry Swankster: You Personified as WWE Gimmick
I froze like a deer in headlights when the assignment lobbed in my direction requested my own personal self embodied (how redundant) as a professional wrestler with, natch, musical accompaniment. Never had I envisioned what a 'roided out version of the Merry Swankster would look like, nor did I entertain such thoughts with my- outside-the-blog-world self either. The fashion backward, homoerotic sense of sporting tight speedos and rolling around in battle with my fellow man never crossed my mind, neither did creating a stereotypical character to flamboyantly prance within the constraints of some crafted gimmick. Embodying my own "personification" to such a character in the realm of a kitsch-overloaded wrestler was a troublesome task to put my head around.
My own distance with the WWE world didn't help. The last time I was current with wrestling was before massive pay-per view events existed, during the early era of Macho Man Randy Savage, Andre the Giant, Rowdy Roddy Piper, and Sgt. Slaughter. Hot chicks associated with WWE began and ended with the lovely Elizabeth and not the parade of stripper types the current version of WWE promotes under the Diva banner. My loss for an immediate connection, the wariness of actually trying to personify myself and a true block of my ability to write something meaningful, or at least interesting created the perfect storm for my ambivalence in responding to the request from the revered Sir Monty, known throughout Southern Texas for his great reading speed and dexterity in clearing brush. All this AND I needed musical link to go along with it all. Sigh. The Merry Swankster is not as nimble with these types of challenges as he thought. Again, I apologize for the derailed feature, especially to the honorable Mr. Randall Monty, infamous for the 2001 incident in Montreal where he led a spontaneous procession of drunken runners in song along Sainte-Catherine Street. I want to say it was the Toadies "Possum Kingdom," but my memory continues to work against me. Regardless, that song is an excellent choice for drunken sing-a-longs.
I settled on progressing with this endeavor by starting with the most important piece of the puzzle as it relates to the main focus of MS.com - the music. Surely I had to begin in the Hard Rock genre of my music collection, and certainly it would be a brash and over the top indictment of something, somewhere somehow. General angst,... cheese-ified through anthemic posturing ("We're Not Going to Take It")? ...filtered through a polemic dismissal of authority ("Killing in the Name")? What about curbing the tortured angle and epitomizing a force of fear that no man, no matter how strong, could overcome. Typical of the horror Freddie Krueger exemplified in his movies - a wherewithal to enter the subconcious and destroy the mind via nightmares. I would be the Sandman, and Metallica's ominous momentum builder will be my entrance music! This was nixed fairly quickly for several reasons, none related to either of the famed closers from the AL and NL versions of New York baseball teams, but due to the difficulty of creating a special move that caused nightmarish fright in opponents (the "sleeper hold" would prove embarrassingly unoriginal). Add that and to a deference to Marvel's Spiderman villain and James Hetfield's monster hit doesn't make the cut.
Like any good product launch I consulted with many focus groups for feedback on the quintessential archetype of a snobby, East Coaster by birth, self-hating hipster in denial, music blogger. Early drafts (think Tracey Ullman era Bart Simpson) involved a Colin Meloy looking character complete with menacing horn rimmed glasses and sharp cream-colored designer blazers. Signature move - the overly literary brainwash. Motivation - a nerd with something to prove. Ready and willing for any challenge, the ultimate brain vs. the ubiquitous brawn. It was all deadly, but so clearly doomed from the start. Data gathered from focus group #1 nixed the building momentum. The instant this version of my WWE persona began rattling off cerebral attacks it felled not only opponents but everyone in the room. I will mention that Focus Group #1 consisted entirely of nine year olds. Plus I looked too much like Rivers Cuomo and that dude fell off the cool train a long time ago. Though to his credit he probably was never on it in the first place and just tricked us into thinking he paid full fare. Enough mixed metaphors yet?
Going back to the drawing board was best in the end, but unfortunate only because I had a perfect song for this flawed character. Too good for his current digs but unapologetically convinced it will lead to other things. Like a fiercely liberal, idealistic film school graduate working as a P.A. on the Factor with Bill O'Reilly while dreaming of creating weird art films in Paris.
Decemberists - "Legionnaire's Lament"
-- -- --
Axl Swankster
Weight: 165 pounds
From: Valley Stream, NY
Signature Move: Shoegaze Facial - Kick to the face from a heavily polished boot
Guns n' Roses - "It's So Easy"
High energy baiting kicks things off running, which is how me as WWE gimmick would come racing through the curtains. Ready to pounce opponents in order to get to the after party. Wrestling matches are increasingly getting in the way and becoming annoying sidebars to the true calling of rocking hard all the time. There is no doubt my character is a Heel, and probably a big dick. I don't think I'm a dick in real life so I don't know if I am being true to the request for "personification," but I'm sure some people would disagree with that assessment. Just saying that it's true what they say about having more fun being the bad guy, so given the chance I want to be the villain. Just like Axl, who I never met, but is probably a dick.
"I see you standin' there
You think you're so cool
Why don't you just
Fuck off"
To Keith O'Brien: Frankenstein
Posted by Merry Swankster at August 3, 2007 01:15 PM
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Comments
very nice,
another Axl Swankster specialty move could be chain smoking in the ring and therefore defeating his opponents decades later after exposing them to harmful 2nd-hand smoke.
Posted by: Yonah at August 3, 2007 03:15 PM
Or how 'bout a maneuver called "Chinese Democracy" where your opponent wait 20+ years while you do nothing except get fat.
Posted by: Randall Monty at August 3, 2007 04:57 PM
