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December 05, 2007
Retrohump: Seperate Rooms
I'm not sure when Freda Payne's only enduring hit "Band of Gold" latched itself onto my consciousness. Whether I unknowingly learned the lyrics through oldies radio saturation on the drive to elementary school or maybe wandered into the room during a particularly mind searing minute of China Beach that it happened to soundtrack, it seems to me now like I've always just loved it. I was however long confused about the song's narrative details. I mean, if this guy went to all the trouble of snatching this young girl from the shelter of her mother, why would he immediately run out on her? Why the seperate room? I mean he was definitely interested, she says right there that he tried before... oh. Well, while my young ignorance of impotence was good old fashioned naivety, I suspect the next generation, brought up in the midst of an endless parade of boner pill ads, might just be perpetually perplexed.
Freda Payne - "Band of Gold"
I've had no bolts of lightning concerning this grainy video clip. Why can't the camera man get any closer? They obviously rented a crane or something to film over the famous D.C. pool, but isn't that getting a bit ahead of yourselves when there are only a few seconds of close up in the whole thing? Is the phallic Washington Monument meant as some sort of sly joke? And where are all the people crowding these major American monuments? Has there been some sort of funky apocalypse? Are we dealing with a Children of Men style depopulation crisis brought on by the heartbreaking spread of pill resistant erectile dysfunction?
Kids Incorporated - "Band of Gold"
(from the 1986 episode, "O Lucky Me")
Much more disturbing is this clip, and the idea that any children's television producer would think this subject matter was suitable material for the bevy of child brides on display. My very fuzzy recollections of the program in question include the star power of Martika (of "Toy Soldiers" "fame"), and a me frightening opening credits sequence in which the kids are scooped up by a white light and transmogrified into the letters K-I-D-S, with that poor keytar bastard stretched out to make "Incorporated." But they were very on top of hits of the day I recall and, as facilitated by a mid-eighties Belinda Carlilse remake, "Band" counts. I guess the saving grace here is that the nuptial bed in the scope of the song remains unused. But why, oh why would you let these kids sing of pining away for the loving of the man who "took them from the shelter of" their mothers? Martika herself, in a dashing Cosby sweater and shiny Hammer pants ensemble, is the only on who could even be conceivably be referred to as a "jailbait" sex object, as opposed to "argument for castration." The second, Tina Youthers resembling singer, aka future pants pissing Black Eyed Pea and all around pop music abomination Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson, hasn't even begun to grow her lady lumps! i'm not sure if the implied impotence makes it all more or less creeptastic.
Posted by Jeff Klingman at December 5, 2007 11:40 AM
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Comments
Hi,Freda Payne-Band of Gold,brings back so many memories to me,I was a teenager when this song came out,Thats when The Chain Vests were in style,and Curly Afros. Some good times,we use to say "Groovie" and "RightOn",I like your writting, This the first I stopped to read blogs and things,I'm usally on other pages,hey check out my cat photo,okay!!!
Posted by: puritysweet at December 5, 2007 04:38 PM
