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November 10, 2008

Ripping Vinyl, part 6

After many years of musical obsession completely removed from a record player, my pile of vinyl now grows incrementally, aided by the quality LP sellers of New York City. Baubles from the treasure chest will be posted here whenever it seems appropriate...

Today's slice of vinyl comes to you, via me, via Dave Klein, who gifted the Monochrome Set's 1982 7" Cherry Red single as a unnecessary bribe to gain the DJ slot at the last Neon Lights show. As the sly Brits' discography has become one of my favorite recent discoveries, I did not inform him of his tithe's redundancy. I've taken the opportunity to mention the abject unfairness of the Set's continued obscurity in this space before, and well, here's another. I don't come by the triple threat of truly smart, musically taut, and uproariously funny as often as I might like.

the Monochrome Set - "The Mating Game"

The lead single from 1982's Eligible Bachelors is as glib and disarming a song about the banalities of sex as anyone has written. It's almost as good as "The Lighter Side of Dating," which they wrote 2 years prior. But while the previous song took childish delight in placing shocking statements next to absurd trivialities, "The Mating Game" is all lyrical economy and witty restraint. Rather than isolating a key line or ten, it's worth just glancing through the words en masse:

"Kiss, lick, stroke, flick
Quiver, quiver, shake and shiver, baby, wow
Un-clasp, flop, gasp
Sopping, sopping, there's no stopping now

Blonde, brunette, or redhead
Black, yellow or white
They’re all the same
In the mating game
But I can' t complain now

Squeeze, suck, pinch, pluck
Wobble, wobble, grab and gobble, darling, moan
Un-zip, ooze, drip
Dippy, dippy, wet and slippy, groan

Blonde, brunette, or redhead
Black, yellow or white
They kiss the same
In the mating game
But I can' t complain now

Bend, peel, slap, squeal
Doggie, doggie, shudder, on your bended knees
Thrust, pump, spurt, slump
Ciggy, ciggy, puff, puff, cough and wheeze

Blonde, brunette, or redhead
Black, yellow or white
They taste the same
In the mating game
But I can' t complain now"

No, Bid, you certainly can't. I originally thought the line was "ciggy, ciggy, puff, puff, cough, ennui" which might have been even better, really. But the sharp, matter of fact tone makes sure the ennui was implied, anyway.

the Monochrome Set - "J.D.H.A.N.E.Y."

While I'm not entirely sure that original Set drummer John Haney was "the best in the land," as this b-side maintains, anyone familiar with the album version of "the Monochrome Set" knows that he was pretty damn good. His bandmates' ode (which might have made fancily monickered new man Lexington Crane just stick to the high hats out of respect) is a goony 50s lounge ballad, that's plenty bawdy and droll itself. Charting his meteoric rise from dabbling with the bongos, praising his bride to be, and claiming he had a "twelve-incher but didn't use it as a rule," it's a more glowing b-side picture than Malkmus asserting that Steve "Westie" West "could not drum" many years later. The smart aleck streak is a through line between both "drummer ballads" though. As the song glides to a close, the boys quip, "Well, alright John, that's it. We'll probably see you, uh...in court."

Previously:

- the Raincoats, live @ the BBC

- Linear Movement play "the Game"

- A hole where the Romeo should be

- Pete Shelley, also a homosapien

- Not nearly the only Stereolab tour-only 7"

Posted by Jeff Klingman at November 10, 2008 01:45 PM

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